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Assertiveness at work is an important communication skill.
Being assertive can make you feel more confident in your interactions and relationships with others, allow you to effect positive change in your day-to-day life, and could even help you get a pay rise or promotion.1
By the end of this course, you should be able to:
Download the PDF workbook below and complete the exercises as you go to help deepen your knowledge of the techniques and ideas discussed.
Assertive behaviour involves expressing your own way of seeing things, but in a way that’s respectful of others.2
Assertiveness training teaches confidence, not aggression.
ASSERTIVE (Cambridge Dictionary definition)
Someone who is assertive behaves confidently and is not frightened to say what they want or believe.4
Assertiveness is the mid-way point between passiveness and aggressiveness.
Assertiveness is a behaviour so can be learned and practised.
Decide whether the statements below are true or false. On your workbook, mark each statement with a tick (true) or a cross (false) in the column on the righthand side.
Click next to show the correct answers.
Decide whether the statements below are true or false. On your workbook, mark each statement with a tick (true) or a cross (false) in the column on the righthand side.
Good listening is a key part of demonstrating your respect for others.
To listen assertively, it’s important to develop active listening skills – simply hearing the other person’s words is not enough.
Guidance on how to actively listen can be explored on the ‘active listening’ wheel opposite.
Summarise what you have heard.
A summary helps show the speaker you have listened and understood. Use phrases like “So what you’re saying is…” and “From what I understand, you feel…”7,8
Give your full attention.
Resist the urge to interrupt, get distracted or judge too quickly. Use non-verbal behaviour like nodding to demonstrate you’re paying attention.7,8
Encourage and affirm.
A simple “yes”, “go on” or “I see” mid-conversation shows you are interested and encourages the speaker to continue.7,8
React to what is being said.
Show the speaker you empathise and understand them and their situation by reacting appropriately. E.g. “that must have been really challenging”.7,8
Ask clarifying questions.
If there is an important point, explore this further and help clarify it for the speaker by asking questions like “Tell me more about…” or “How do you feel about…”7,8
Reflect a word or phrase.
Repeating back a word or a phrase may motivate the speaker to expand on what they are saying. E.g. Speaker: “I am finding my work load too much at the moment” You: “Too much?” Speaker: “Yes, especially over the last couple of weeks”.7,8
The six key attributes from the listening wheel are listed on the left hand side of table below. In your exercise workbook write down what is meant by each in the corresponding column on the right hand side.
The six key attributes from the listening wheel are listed on the left hand side of table below. In your exercise workbook write down what is meant by each in the corresponding column on the right hand side.
An assertive person empathises and respects other people’s opinions and ideas, even if they don’t agree with them.1,2
Alternately, an aggressive person will demand that their needs be met, with no consideration for anyone else.2
Respecting the person you are communicating with often leads to a collaborative solution and a win-win scenario, with both sides getting what they need.1
Why can it be difficult to say what we think and feel?
Some people are nervous, lack self-esteem, and act passively because they think other people will like them.1,9 But using this approach does not build respect, and may lead to the other person making decisions for them.9
When you’re assertive…
TIP: Try writing down how you think and feel about the situation before entering into dialogue with the other party.1
Read the scenarios in the left hand column – using assertive techniques, how would you respond? In your exercise workbook, write your answers in the column on the right hand side.
Read the scenarios in the left hand column – using assertive techniques, how would you respond? In your exercise workbook, write your answers in the column on the right hand side.
Before entering into a conversation, try to truly understand how you feel about the situation.9
TIP: Relaxation techniques like mindful breathing can help if you’re feeling angry.9
Being assertive means saying specifically and unambiguously what you want to happen.1
If you don’t know where you’re heading – then you’re not going to get there!
Recognise that communication is a two-way street, and that although we ideally want our needs/ambitions to prevail, the thoughts and opinions of others also need to be taken into consideration.10
A joint solution can help you achieve a win-win situation for both parties.11
While searching for it, you may need to continue being assertive if the other party does not fully acknowledge your needs – you can do this by facilitating with collaborative questions such as:11
KEY POINT: Assertive people are effective because they possess empathy and respect other opinions and ideas when negotiating.1
Try the following techniques for being assertive during tricky interactions:
Read the scenarios in the left hand column and decide whether the response by person 2 is an example of the fogging or broken record technique.
Click next to show the correct answers.
Read the scenarios in the left hand column and decide whether the response by person 2 is an example of the fogging or broken record technique.
All of us can learn to improve our assertiveness skills.2 If you don’t feel confident behaving assertively, preparation and practising at home or with a colleague or a mentor is a good way to improve.1
Tips for practising
With a colleague:5
At home:5
KEY POINT: Because assertiveness is a learned behaviour, it can be improved with practise and preparation techniques.2
Assertiveness is an important life skill that can improve your personal and professional life.1,5
The benefits of communicating assertively are many, from strengthened relationships to greater confidence, improved self-worth and less stress in daily work life.6 Luckily, assertiveness is a learned skill, that can get better with practice.2
If you haven’t done so already, have a go at the exercises, which should give you a deeper understanding of these ideas and help strengthen your assertiveness skills.
Based on the idea that we all have a right to respectfully express our thoughts, feelings and needs
Demonstrates self-respect and respect for others
Is a behaviour that can be learned and practised
Is the mid-way point between passivity and aggression
nervous
able
happy
frightened
It leads to more productive conversations
Enhances job satisfaction
Weakens working relationships
Allows different thoughts, feelings and opinions to be voiced
Creates a win-lose situation
FALSE
TRUE
Identify your feelings and stick to them
Avoid responding while angry
When the time is right, voice your view
Talk over the other party and keep repeating yourself
Attention
Encourage
React
Clarify
Reflect
Summarise
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